NOTE: This poem won a bronze trophy in the January 2005 AllPoetry.com Love is What? online poetry contest.
I can't yet write
A poem for you
Locked in your grip
The lucky, the few
Can't break free
Or even step back a ways
Can't see a thing
Through this luscious haze
Slumber and laugh
Soak it up, splash around
Taste the sweet success
Of this pleasure I've found
It will seep deep in me
Through and through
Before I can write a poem
Worthy of you
A poem for you
Locked in your grip
The lucky, the few
Can't break free
Or even step back a ways
Can't see a thing
Through this luscious haze
Slumber and laugh
Soak it up, splash around
Taste the sweet success
Of this pleasure I've found
It will seep deep in me
Through and through
Before I can write a poem
Worthy of you
14 comments:
This definitely has a romantic feel to it. You have captured some delightful emotions in this piece.
Give it a title, you lazy ass.
You have one thing right - you haven't written a poem worthy of anyone yet! Keep trying but make it honest, don't try to tart it up. SIMPLICITY is the key to good writing. (my humble opinion)
The untitled poems seem to always make me teary... I guess I'm a romantic at heart or it could just be a strange coincidence. Anyway, beautifully written. ;)
Aww, this is really romantic and well written- I loved it A great poem, keep writing because this was fantastic
All the best,
Pozo
I agree with Pozo, this definitely has a romantic feel to it. You have captured some delightful emotions in this piece.
It is not worthy even of you!
not a chill but reality check!
It establishes nothing except that
you are groping for self-confidence
BLOW that weakening out!
Your poem-ing on this theme only
makes you weak, bad poetry
and dismays many readers
THis is not a condemnation of you
nor even your aim: to do good poetry
:to connect! : to be accepted
: to be said "hot damm spicy good"
Now, If I came to your home for dinner
and you served up jello with old macaroni and cheese
molded into the jello.. I don't suppose I'd care for
seconds... Ergo: your poem is like that: who wants
to wallow in another person's squiffyness?
Why, even, would you???
Cast is out, go help some old person cross the street
(i did that one time) and it changes your life
to extend OUTwardly instead of curling toes by self, inwardly
Go out and do positive things for un-met strangers and
give it up.. you get back great gratification, and such
poem-thoughts vanish from your mind forver.. promise!
upon re-read and re-setting my trigger
I should modify my comments above
buy saying';;; reject what does not fit
and do not take offense
I was, I think now, way out of line
for thei poem is not so whatever-i
-thought it was.. I skimmed it
and that is always an -error-
apologies tendered
oOo this is so awesome! I love it, its romantic and everything love can be. Great job, you did extremely well!!!
congratulations on your BRONZE trophy
Beautiful poem.
Post a Comment