Saturday, April 16, 2005

POEM: Kansas City

This is Kansas City
Staid and pure
With the bitter irony of bigotry
Thinly veiled beneath the white cake
Of American innocence


— megabyte said...

Nice. I like. It's powerful in few lines, something I envy the ability to write. I really like the third and fourth lines, and I think the way "veiled" and "cake" don't match, logically. It adds to the realization that the American innocence is illogically shielding oppression that occurs behind the curtains in everyday life. Or at least, that's how I infer it.

— Bloodfetish said...

good start, though the image isn't quite clear

veil vs. cake .... cake, no matter thin doesn't veil ... you need something different

kansas will always make me think of dorothy corn and rolling fields of purity ... so i see where you're going with bitter irony of bigotry, but it doesn't work for me ...

if it were me, i'd try playing with the lines to throw the reader off ... something like:

This is Kansas
Pure and staid
Thin white icing hides iron

this is only my suggestion ... you have in your own words got a good start on what could be a great poem

dancin_n_da_moonlite said...


Dovina said...

Well stated, though I disagree with your conclusion.

New Life Drug said...

kansas? innocent? BAH.

jessicazee said...

I wanted more...another 5 lines, please.